Kayne West

Dear Mr. Kanye West:

I am writing you today to congratulate you on your artistic success and the fact that you proved the mentally disabled can accomplish great feats as well. It’s great that I’ve been able to watch you grow as an artists from a young, raw anal sphincter to a full-fledged, complete a$$hole. While there are many other people as famous, if not more famous, than you out there, you are one of the few that did it the right way. From interrupting, sweet, lovely artists during their acceptance speeches, to going on insane rants on talk shows, to marrying possibly the worst person ever, you have been a pioneer of awfulness.

At what point is someone close to you going to say, “Please stop being an idiot”? Clearly you have surrounded yourself with only people that encourage your insane tirades and have no backbone to say anything of substance. I have a scientific theory as to why you have become the way you are:

As a person’s fame grows, their level of a chemical in the brain called BH2, or Buttholium, grows exponentially. When these chemicals combine with a hormone called A4, or Anusium, produced when the subject is only told “yes” over an extended period of time, the result is that the brain actually begins to physically transform. The brain literally takes on the physical features of a rectum. Combine this with a subject’s limited mental capacity, such as yourself, and you get what is referred to in the scientific community as the “Kanye Effect”

It’s confusing but it’s science…

Now that you are actually turning into something physically that matches your character emotionally, it is becoming difficult to continue my verbal assault of your personality, but I’ll try to power through.

The fact that you compare yourself to actual great artists like Picasso, DaVinci, Michael Jackson and Shakespeare, leads me to believe you don’t have a great handle on reality. Then you go on to compare yourself to Jesus which just shows that you’re taking this crazy train right past Megalomaniac Station and aren’t stopping until you hit the Clinical Insanity Stop. I can see it in your eyes. You have that same wild-eyed look that sociopaths and psychos who wear peoples’ skin around with their wiener tucked under possess.  

When you do and say the things that you’ve done and said, you are no longer just an eccentric artist, you’re a jackass. I know that many people around the world love you and aspire to be you but most of your fans are sucking on the same delusional, self-involved teat that you do. And as you grow older and crazier, then eventually self-implode as you undoubtedly will, people won’t remember you as the guy who created a few catchy tunes. Instead history will look back at you as the douche-bag that died from suffocation because his head was so far up his own a$$.


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