Movies: Take 5 – Nudity

Since I was not allowed to see any movie with nudity as a child, I have become fascinated with how and why they include gratuitous nudity in films. Is it something they need to include in order to convey the story? Sometimes, but rarely. Is it something that brings more art and skill to the screen? Ummm, no. Is it something 13 year old boys and perverts want to see and therefore will pay and go to any lengths to obtain? Ding, ding, ding! Yup! But there are many forms and degrees of nudity. Butt, boob, full frontal, and dong.

Let’s touch on dong for a moment. (Thank you) I don’t remember a great deal of wang being shown early on in my movie-watching days. The first true donger scene I remember is probably ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall’ and the great Jason Segel’s little Segel. I remember thinking to myself, “Woah! They can show that on a movie!?”. My immediate shock indicated how unbalanced female versus male nudity is in life. I don’t want to say I am glad I saw Jason Segel’s flaccid meat rocket on film but it did help me realize that nakedness should not be so tilted to one side. (That side being Heather Graham’s naked front side) Instead, nudity should be equal to all looks and genders so it is not such a taboo thing to see an average looking guy’s peepee or Kathy Bate’s FUPA.

I have wondered for a while; how do directors and producers get these gorgeous women to get completely naked in front of hundreds of stage hands present and millions watching from home with their lights off, tissues out, and lotion ready? (What?… I have a dry nose and a cold)

I don’t want to say it’s necessarily money. You can’t tell me Anne Hathaway needs the money and she did full frontal. Does Halle Berry really need the $200,000 she got for ‘Swordfish’ for showing her TaTas? No.

I can’t say it’s for the art of acting either. A powerful performance gets you waaaay more accolades from the academy than showing some nips or beev. I’m pretty sure Meryl Streep didn’t win her closet-full of awards because she showed her B-hole on camera, and she’s a handsome woman. They don’t have a special category at the Oscars for ‘Best Female Bush’ or ‘Most Tasteful Shaft Shot’. No, they will not recognize you for how well your butt cheeks performed in that dramatic scene. So I can only think of one reason.

The main reason I can imagine they would do it is that the writer of the script did a great job and the actor chose they wanted to be in it. At that point the writers, producers, and directors all got together and had a powwow that goes something like this:

Spielberg: So we got Jennifer Lawrence for this part and she LOVES the script. I mean she was crying, laughing, and frowning at different times while she read it. She said she’s putting her other projects on hold, cancelling her vacation, and postponing her wedding for this role. She would literally do anything to have this part.

Writer: Anything you say? That’s interesting because I did have this extra scene that I wrote where our heroine has to infiltrate the secret fortress and the only way she can do it is by getting naked, oiling up, and literally slipping through the gates to save the lead male role played by Brad Pitt…..

Brad Pitt: Make it happen.

Movies will always be a big influence on our culture; therefore, the people behind the movies hold great power. Next time you watch a movie, just try to pick out some of your favorite nuances that you see often in film. It’s actually a sort of game to play while you watch Stallone dodge bullets or Brad Pitt do everything amazingly. Finally, I have attached some contact info of internet providers for you movie renters out there.

Time Warner Cable: 1 (800) 892-4357

Comcast Xfinity: 1 (800) 934-6489

Dish Network: 1 (800) 333-3474

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