Rant of the Day: Funny Words

Throughout the annals of time, there have been English language words created and used commonly that immediately bring one’s mind to the gutter or some other area that is as equally as dirty-sounding. (Perhaps a sewer or Whoopi Goldberg’s hair) These words are more or less commonly used in our vocabulary but just as commonly overlooked if you have a normal adult’s sensibility. Luckily I am here to represent all of those who happen to have the sense of humor of an 11 year old. The following are some notes I have made over the years:Angina: As a young man I was called by my sister and told that my dad had suffered an acute angina. After the subsequent hysterical laughing had subsided, I Googled what that meant. To my relief, it did not mean that my father had developed a small female organ. It actually meant he had a heart issue where he was suffering chest pains. I still laugh every time I watch an E.R. hospital show though.

Annals: If you didn’t giggle reading the first sentence of this article, then you more than likely do not have the same humor as I. It’s ok though, I’m not judging you, I’m just determining if we can be friends or not. If you are going through the annals of time, are you wearing a glove? Did you warm your hand before you entered said annals? Did you offer lubricant? All very important questions to ask before you start entering any historical annals.

Booby-trap: Obviously we’ve all used this word as children at one time or another when we were out playing in the woods, but come on! How can this word mean both a snare where one is put in harm’s way as well as a bra that is one size too small? Not to mention all the bird species with the same name. Never had I been so temporarily yet intensely interested in Ornithology as when my middle school science teacher mentioned the Giant Brown Booby of the Cayman Islands.

Coccyx: Although the location of this anatomical reference is also quite funny, the name alone should make one giggle. I thought for years that when one referred to a broken coccyx, they were talking about the affliction from which Bob Dole and many older men suffer, but in reality it just means you broke your ass.

Cumin: As an avid cook, I love me some cumin on my hamburger meat. But at first glance this flavorful spice looks as though it should be an exclamation that an amorous partner might shout just before completion. (Try not to picture this in your head)

Dongle: As a technical term, I had to use this quite often at a previous job selling electronics. Despite the constant use of this term, I found it extremely difficult to maintain a straight face when I would suggest to the older couple that they might want to try a wireless dongle to improve their entertainment experience.

Exacerbate: As a young teen, I would blush and wonder in amazement how anyone knew I had recently performed this private act when someone would use this word in front of me. Then I realized the doctor wasn’t saying wanking-off would make the poison ivy worse but scratching it would WORSEN the rash.

Manhole: I’m not sure what else is supposed to pop in my head when I hear this word but maybe I’m just being anal….

Mastication: Much like its similar-sounding term, this act should also usually be accompanied by a napkin, towel, or at least a tissue….

Penal Colony: Sounds like heaven for anyone who goes for the fellas. A settlement where the dong flows like rivers! But in reality it is actually not fun at all. Probably just as much penetration as previously thought, just not welcomed penetration.

Poop-deck: I thought I had figured out why the pirates always want the ship hands to swab the poop-deck. But actually there’s not as much feces as initially believed. I guess mariners just have my same sense of humor.

Rear Admiral: Not only an actual and lofty rank for a seafarer in the Queen’s Navy but also a great name for a power top!

Seamen: While we’re still on nautical terms, you might have noticed how I have referred to sailors in the afore-mentioned Poop-deck and Rear Admiral terms by everything but this word. It was completely intentional on account of how difficult it is to type while one is cackling hysterically. I’m sure that merchant ship is truly quite full of seamen; it gets lonely out on the ocean… (Ah-thank you)

Sextuple: How many are in a sextuple? Six! I hope they’re all wearing protection….. But seriously, no one thought about just naming it SIXtuple???

Shuttlecock: What I initially think of as something that is to be smacked around and flung at another is actually quite close to the truth. I mean at least sometimes…. If you’re in to that sort of thing….

Uranus: Why are most of the words that are funniest to me have to do with one’s posterior? Maybe I’m just over-anal-yzing myself butt I’m not trying to be fece-tious or cheek-y. I can honestly tell you to look into my brown eyes and believe me when I say I’m not very anal about certain things. I don’t want this to taint how you ass-ume I am, but it’s always in the eye of the B-Hole-der. I just crack up every time I hear the name Uranus!

​The next time you hear or read a word like one of these, I just hope that you can remember the child inside each one of us who wants to burst out in uncontrollable laughter. Don’t ever forget to find the humor in life, even if it seems juvenile.


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